Images by Priscilla Du Preez

What do you do when you can no longer trust what your heart is telling you?

I remember standing in a park, with the girl I loved, watching her simply being herself. I was completely filled by hurt and rage. She hadn’t done anything, but my body was shaking with anger. My heart was poisoned by resentment and I remember exploding in a wrathful way, a way which was designed to hurt the one I love.

Bipolar can steal our emotional sovereignty suddenly and completely. This happens when our feelings and perspective are no longer based on reality: on what is happening around us and within us. Our emotional dissonance can easily result in misreading ourselves and the present/past/future situation. We can become totally lost in a sea of strong and conflicting emotions, our moral compass busted, losing control over our decisions. Add some manic energy or apathetic disregard to the mix, and suddenly we are at high-risk of hurting ourselves and those around us.

How can we regain control and self-knowledge before we explode?
To put it simply: act from kindness.

Kindness isn’t an emotion, that is the key. Kindness is a frame of mind and a set of behaviours directing us to, at least, alleviate pain and distress. Even in my most catatonic or stratospheric emotional states I could always see the path of kindness; if I looked for it. When I act from kindness I temper my actions and exhibit greater self-control because I am choosing to pursue an ideal that is clear in my mind.

Kindness is more stable than empathy or compassion because I don’t need to try and feel what the other person is feeling (which can spiral into a problem). My ideal of kindness is well defined and exists independently of my mood or other people – this is why it is so powerful in managing my interactions. Dispel right-now any ideas that you may have equating kindness with weakness. Kindness is the guiding star by which we can navigate our bipolar lives and build healthy, long lasting, relationships.

See: Finding Stability in Bipolar, a Practice Based Cure.

A few simple steps that I use to act from kindness.

1. Acknowledge that what you are feeling in the moment may not be your true feelings and may cause you to make bad decisions that you will regret.
   Consider yourself from the perspective of a kind friend. This is the perspective of someone who cares about you, is gentle with you, and who wants you to be happy. Decide to be kind to yourself.
2. Now consider the other people in the situation (if there are any) from a kind perspective and remember that they are only human too. Decide to be kind to them.
3. Communicate in a fair and kind way. This means explaining what emotions you are going through in the moment so that you, and others, understand what is happening. This will often work to partially alleviate tension in a situation and help you to gain a better perspective on how you are acting. This also gives other people an opportunity to demonstrate care and understanding towards you. You can even ask them to be kind to you.
4. Keep communicating and try to observe your emotions without reacting. Remember that in most situations you don’t need to make a decision in the moment. Try to weather the storm and know that you will feel better once the situation has passed. You can reflect and decide when you feel stable again.

Are you struggling with understanding your mood and energy levels? Take the Phase-Finder quiz to help you. 

I hope this article is useful to you, thank you for reading it! I believe that these articles will help to educate people with bipolar and give them skills for a future of mental wellness, not mental illness. Please consider Supporting KindBipolar and joining our email list (we never send spam). Be kind to yourself and have a great day.